Melissa (beethatbumbles) wrote,

Graduate school

It has very suddenly and seriously dawned on me that I should start looking into options for graduate school.

This is terrifying. I'm going to make an appointment with the career center, but the whole prospect of figuring out what I want to study, much less applying, is extremely daunting. My internship this summer has been enjoyable, for the most part, and it has given me a glimpse of what graduate school might be like for me. I think I would enjoy it, however, there are a few things I worry about.

1. Research: I'm not good at it. I imagine it's something that gets easier once you have more practice. But I worry that my brain just does not work in the right way. I do have a certain amount of intelligence and creativity, as well as the desire for knowledge, but I don't know if I have these things in the correct amounts, or correct types.

2. Careers: what do I want to do after grad school. I don't think I want to go into academia. But I don't really find industry especially appealing either. When I ask myself what I want, the answers come back too vague or grandiose to really be helpful. I want something that will be mentally stimulating, interesting, and creative. I want to make a lasting contribution. I want to make discoveries and help people. I want to be a mad scientist. I want to win a Nobel Prize. And then, sometimes, I think, I don't want to do any of these things, I want to work at Pixar or start singing and acting again. It's sometimes difficult to have so many varied interests, because I know I need to make one of them my primary, and I'm not sure I can.

3. And, of course, my health. It's been better lately, which is good. Apparently, not having a gallbladder agrees with me. But graduate school is a lot of work. And I'm just not sure if I can physically handle it. It also can be very stressful, and my GI issues, especially, react negatively to stress.

I don't know why I'm posting this here. For introspection, I suppose. But any thoughts or advice from anyone out there would also be welcome.
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