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Sunday, March 27th, 2011
4:05 pm - RIP Diana Wynne Jones
I have not updated in a few months, mostly due to life being busy and stressful and horrible and beautiful. I have many things to say which I ought to post about, but right now, I only have time for the one that is currently the foremost in my thoughts.

Diana Wynne Jones, my favorite author, passed away yesterday after a long battle with cancer. Her fans were all expecting this for quite some time, but I am still absolutely gutted over it. I can't quite comprehend the fact that I'll never get to read another new story of hers. I have been a fan of her books for more than half of my life.

Here is a lovely tribute from Neil Gaiman, who was a fan as well (and, in addition, to this, was also a friend of hers).

"It is not often that someone comes along who is a true friend and a good writer."--E.B. White
Wednesday, January 19th, 2011
7:26 pm - Prose
Dear Seneca,
Please stfu. I get it. Bad oratory stems from bad morals. I don't need another 100 lines of Latin to read. I understand. Please stop pounding it into my head.
Head poundingly,
Melissa

(1 Honeycomb | Make honey)

Sunday, January 16th, 2011
8:41 pm - Another earring sale
Ray has a cyst on his paw. The vet was flummoxed by it--it's not attached, nor is it filled with fluid. We are trying some antibiotics, but I'm worried he's going to need an operation. I've also got a lot of inventory that's old. There's nothing particularly wrong with it, I'd just like to clear it out so I can make room for new stuff. Hence, I'm having a huge sale. Most of these are going for what the materials cost, or less. I just need them out of here, and I need money.

All metals are sterling silver unless noted otherwise.
Read more...Collapse )

(1 Honeycomb | Make honey)

Saturday, January 1st, 2011
2:44 pm - Fuck 2010
Bring on 2011. This is going to be MY YEAR.

(4 Honeycombs | Make honey)

Saturday, November 27th, 2010
10:23 pm - Les papillons
Translation (par moi)

The butterflies, color of snow
flying in throngs over the sea;
lovely white butterflies,
When could I
take that blue path through the air?

Do you know,
o beauty of beauties,
My dancer with jet-black eyes,
If they could lend me their wings,
Tell me,
do you know where I would go?

Without taking a single kiss from the roses,
Across the forests and the valleys,
I would go
to your half-closed lips,
Flower of my soul,
And there,
I would die.

L'original: (par Gautier)Collapse )

current mood: pensive

(Make honey)

2:33 pm - It's fun...
To be a t-shirt model. :)

(5 Honeycombs | Make honey)

Monday, October 25th, 2010
11:44 am - More geneticist news
I called Julia, the genetics counselor, yesterday morning and she promptly called me back (which is highly unusual for a doctor's office.) We've got authorization to sequence my mitochondrial genome from the fibroblasts.

I called Dad to tell him the good news and he was in office hours so he was short with me. He also acted put-upon when I asked when he or Mom could drive me to Stanford to get the bloodwork done and asked if we couldn't get it done on the weekend. He really ought to know by now that doctor's offices aren't open on the weekend. This normally wouldn't bother me that much, but I've been especially sensitive since the whole burden thing a few weeks ago. I just need to get the fuck over that and not internalize it. I'm trying to. I'll talk more about this later--I'm currently sitting in the middle of a hall on campus and if I talk about it anymore I'm going to cry, and I hate crying in public.

I want to reiterate how much I appreciate everyone who commented or even read my last post. This has been an incredibly long and complicated battle, and it's far from over. I know that nobody feels quite the same as I do about this particular issue, but I'm still very grateful to have the support of all my friends. Thank you all so much.

(5 Honeycombs | Make honey)

Monday, October 4th, 2010
6:01 pm - [Jewelry] More SALE: bracelets and necklaces
Here's some more stuff on sale. (Those of you who already bought stuff, thank you! I shipped your stuff today.) I've also added some more earrings to the other post.

All under $25, selling some of these at costCollapse )

(2 Honeycombs | Make honey)

12:00 pm - Small pink reminders of hope
I have been pretty miserable lately. It could be the fact that I have a biochemistry exam tomorrow that I don't feel adequately prepared for. It could be that I have not yet passed my kidney stones and it's time to call the urologist, and I also really need to make an appointment with Shnelly. It could be that my apartment is horribly messy and I am too exhausted to clean it. But mostly, it has to do with graduate school. It's been on my mind a lot lately. I am paralyzed with fear over it. I keep wavering over whether I want to apply or not, whether I want to go or not, what I want to do with my life.

Yesterday my dad took me to the Apple store at Bay Street to get my power cord looked at. Surprisingly, they replaced it, which was nice. We were trudging back to the car, which my dad had parked in a place that sold pumpkins, and I was feeling pretty low. Everything just felt overwhelming and bleak. We got into the car and we both remarked upon the fact that it was quite odd that there was a pumpkin patch there. They had a petting zoo, too. "Hey look," I said. "There's animals. There's goats and chickens and..."

A piggy! There was a piggy. I made my dad stop the car, and I jumped out. Coincidentally, I had chosen to wear my piggy hat that day. The other purveyors of the zoo were highly amused. The piggy was cute and snorky, and at first rejected my offer of scritches. "I think she's offended by my hat," I told the man running it. "Try this," he said, pouring a handful of food into my palm. Sure enough, that did the trick. I offered her the food and she gently snuffled it up from my hand, making little grunting noises all the while. I was charmed by her twitching flat snout and constantly-switching tail. She snuffled up all the food, allowing me to scratch her head, while her eyes remained totally focused on the food.

PictureCollapse )

As we walked back to the car, I still felt despondent, but my mood was somewhat brightened. I was momentarily able to forget about my big, life-altering problems, distracted by a small, pink reminder of simple joys.

(7 Honeycombs | Make honey)

Saturday, October 2nd, 2010
10:37 pm - Earring SALE--$15
I had a show yesterday, and while it went quite well, it made me realize how much old stuff I have and how badly I need to clear some of it out. That plus the realization that I haven't bought any new bras in a year means...I'm having a sale.

All earrings are $15 a pair, plus shipping.Collapse )

(9 Honeycombs | Make honey)

Tuesday, September 21st, 2010
11:51 am - Amusement
My molecular biology professor isn't great at explanations, but is nonetheless entertaining. He has a totally adorable New York Jewish accent and tends to lecture as if he is telling a story. The other day he was talking about induced fit of enzymes and tried to describe enzyme-substrate interactions by saying that the substrate "snuggled in" to the active site of an enzyme. I just looked at the two girls sitting next to me and said "snuggled" and then we all started cracking up.

(1 Honeycomb | Make honey)

Sunday, September 19th, 2010
8:53 pm - Public service announcement for those who have good health...
Cherish it. You'll never know what you're missing until it's gone.

current mood: sigh

(2 Honeycombs | Make honey)

Wednesday, September 8th, 2010
11:43 pm - Halloween
I can't sleep. I had a really hard day today and would like to talk about it, but for some reason, my fingers are insisting that instead I make a list of ideas for Halloween costumes.

Professor Chaos
--Upside: cheapest option, would be pretty fun to make. Plus, it's hilarious.
--Downside: would probably fall apart.
GLaDOS:
--Upside: would be AWESOME. Mad science for the win!
--Downside: very difficult to pull off, and relatively few people would get it.
Carmen Sandiego
--Upside: Gives me an excuse to buy a red fedora and trench coat.
--Downside: Fedoras and trench coats generally cost money.
Napoleon
--Upside: would be hilarious if people got it.
--Downside: no idea if people would get it.

(4 Honeycombs | Make honey)

Thursday, September 2nd, 2010
12:21 pm - FLEAS.
Augh. Ray has somehow gotten a very bad case of fleas. He is teeming with them. I'm confused because we've not had much of a problem with them before and I treated him with Frontline not three weeks ago. I'm assuming it's because he has been spending a lot of time out in the backyard. I feel so bad for the poor guy. Today I gave him a bath and re-applied the frontline so I'm hoping that'll help. I've never given him a bath in the front yard before, but when I brought him out and turned on the water, he took one look at it and RAN back upstairs. My poor buddy. When I put him on a leash and tied him to the porch he was good though. He barely struggled at all throughout the entire process.

I hope this gets rid of them because I'm out of Frontline and I despise fleas.

In other news, it's quite hot and the heat is killing me. Hooray for dysautonomia.

(3 Honeycombs | Make honey)

Wednesday, September 1st, 2010
11:19 am - Repost to twitter and facebook?
Is there any way to disabled this option for friends-only posts? I realize that this is the internet and there is really no such thing as privacy here, but I'm extremely uncomfortable with the idea.

(5 Honeycombs | Make honey)

Tuesday, August 31st, 2010
5:29 pm - Sale
I'm thinking about having another sale type post, partially because I want to clear out some inventory, but mostly because I'm very broke. Anyone interested in seeing something like this or should I not waste my time?

(5 Honeycombs | Make honey)

Sunday, August 22nd, 2010
11:46 pm - Demain, je suis certaine
Tomorrow will be a better day.

current mood: hopeful
Saturday, August 21st, 2010
9:19 pm - XXV.
Tomorrow, I will be twenty-five.

In the scheme of things, twenty-five is not a big number, or a particularly important number when it comes to age. It's not a multiple of ten, it's not a milestone like eighteen or twenty-one. And yet it still seems significant for me. It's a quarter of a century. It means I am as close to thirty as I am to twenty. And there is also the matter of my life expectancy, which is probably fifty by a generous estimate, and which I try not to think about too much.

I thought I would have everything figured out by this time. I thought I'd be married, engaged, or at least in a long-term relationship. I thought I'd be in graduate school with a clear career path. I thought I would have managed to condense and consolidate my life. At the very least, I thought I'd be more skilled at living. But I'm not. Now, I don't think I'll ever have anything figured out. In fact, I am quite confident of this.

I have no boyfriend, no career path, and I'm still chugging away at this undergraduate degree of mine. I am mostly okay with these things. However, I do not feel like I have made much progress in life recently. This saddens me.

I am sometimes, if not often, happy with my life. I try not to focus on the things I perceive as failures or tragedies, and I try to look towards a better, brighter, happier tomorrow.

I just hope tomorrow is a good day.

current mood: wistful

(4 Honeycombs | Make honey)

Friday, August 6th, 2010
4:29 pm - [Jewelry post] Chains and units
I haven't done one of these in awhile. The truth is, I'm seriously considering shutting down my business. I've already scaled back on it because it's not fun for me anymore. I work really hard and I don't make very much money. Considering this is not what I want to do for a career, I recently decided to rethink things. I'm going to keep selling my jewelry, but I'm going to raise my prices, and I'm going to be focusing more on stuff I want to make, rather than what I think people will buy. It's going to save me a lot of sanity, and who knows, I might make more money this way. But I doubt it.

Lately, I've been going back to my jewelry-making roots, which is, to say, making chainmail. But I've been focusing more on the types of chain that lends itself to units, rather than, uh, well, chains. Observe.


Celtic star pendant. Sterling silver and kyanite. I recently learned how to do celtic star and made this as a gift for myself about a month ago.

Another pendant, and a pair of earringsCollapse )

(5 Honeycombs | Make honey)

Thursday, August 5th, 2010
9:45 am - Graduate school
It has very suddenly and seriously dawned on me that I should start looking into options for graduate school.

This is terrifying. I'm going to make an appointment with the career center, but the whole prospect of figuring out what I want to study, much less applying, is extremely daunting. My internship this summer has been enjoyable, for the most part, and it has given me a glimpse of what graduate school might be like for me. I think I would enjoy it, however, there are a few things I worry about.

1. Research: I'm not good at it. I imagine it's something that gets easier once you have more practice. But I worry that my brain just does not work in the right way. I do have a certain amount of intelligence and creativity, as well as the desire for knowledge, but I don't know if I have these things in the correct amounts, or correct types.

2. Careers: what do I want to do after grad school. I don't think I want to go into academia. But I don't really find industry especially appealing either. When I ask myself what I want, the answers come back too vague or grandiose to really be helpful. I want something that will be mentally stimulating, interesting, and creative. I want to make a lasting contribution. I want to make discoveries and help people. I want to be a mad scientist. I want to win a Nobel Prize. And then, sometimes, I think, I don't want to do any of these things, I want to work at Pixar or start singing and acting again. It's sometimes difficult to have so many varied interests, because I know I need to make one of them my primary, and I'm not sure I can.

3. And, of course, my health. It's been better lately, which is good. Apparently, not having a gallbladder agrees with me. But graduate school is a lot of work. And I'm just not sure if I can physically handle it. It also can be very stressful, and my GI issues, especially, react negatively to stress.

I don't know why I'm posting this here. For introspection, I suppose. But any thoughts or advice from anyone out there would also be welcome.

(2 Honeycombs | Make honey)


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